Making New Friends

This week, I read an article stating that one of the most difficult things for people in their fifties was making new friends.

At this time in our lives, there can be many changes that take us away from familiar environments. It might be that we retire from a job we have had for many years. Perhaps children leave home, and you become an empty-nester. A marriage may end by choice or by the passing of a partner. It may be that you move to a different neighborhood to downsize or a different state to escape the cold.

As you enter into this new phase of your life, how will you make new friends?

As always, I will use myself as an example. I have experienced several start-overs in my life, and I am an introvert, so it was even more daunting to make new friends.

Just last year, I moved into a new neighborhood when I decided to downsize. During the first month, I was invited to attend a neighborhood women's breakfast. At first, I thought, "I don't have time to do this!" but I put my chores aside, got dressed, and went to breakfast. I met several ladies who have become friends that I look forward to often seeing during our frequent get-togethers.

Volunteer to help. You will meet like-minded people. For example, if you are interested in music, volunteer to help your local Symphony, get involved with a school program, or start one at a nursing home.

Go to a place of worship. Talk to people and attend any other classes they offer there. Get a part-time job at the place you like to shop most. Even if it is for only one evening a week, that is one night you get to dress up a little and be around people. Make the most of every minute! Smile and talk to everyone you see.

When you are speaking to someone, give them your undivided attention. Ask about them. Look at them, not around them. Don't plan what you are going to say when they stop talking.

It isn't all about you. I see this a lot! As a blogger and as a woman who is very active in my community. I interact with people every day who only talk about themselves, and everything they see relates only to them. This makes me want to run away screaming!

Drop all negative thoughts. You know that person who, when you say, "Isn't this a gorgeous day?" will respond, "Yeah, but tomorrow it is supposed to be cold and rainy again." Look at the positive side. If you don't have anything positive to say, be silent and move along.

To have a friend, you must be a friend. Be someone that people are happy to see and talk to. Get out of your house and be a part of something greater than yourself.

Find a project that helps those who are less fortunate than you. Make a difference in someone else's life. Share what you know. Share what you have. Be a mentor. Read to people in nursing homes or write letters for them or just listen to them. You may learn important things about yourself in the process.

Before the end of the month, you will have met new people and helped many people. Soon you will start to be included in more and more events. Friends will come along with your efforts, and you will have a full life again. True friendships are like a good marriage. They develop over time if you give them a chance and your best efforts.

Please share your own success stories in the comments below. You may be helping someone else who is struggling to adjust to a new way of life.

Mr. Mickey's Birthday Celebration

The celebration was held on Sunday, June 8th, at the Carnegie Hotel in Johnson City.

 

More than one hundred of our closest friends and family members joined us to celebrate Mr. Mickey's 80th birthday on June 6th.

Susan, Mickey's daughter Regina and Mr. Mickey

The party is this way!

There were lots of funny cards to read. We have some very creative friends!

Very dear long time friends!

Mr. Mickey was the guest of honor, but he was also a big part of the entertainment. He kept everyone laughing throughout the whole party.

Regina and I started out cutting and serving the cakes, but the hotel staff quickly felt sorry for us and took over. This was a job for the professionals!

Everyone enjoyed being together, visiting with old friends, and making new ones.

Life long friends Ben and Natalie with Mr. Mickey

With dear friends, Jerry and Rose Sorrell.

There were three different invitations sent out. Mr. Mickey even had a postage stamp made with his picture on it!

I wore all black items from Chico's, including a lace front waterfall Travelers cardigan, tank, and black jeans. The necklace is also from Chico's, and the turquoise stone earrings are from Stein Mart. The BCBGeneration shoes are from Ross.

Frumpy No More

This is me in 1998, forty-two years old, five feet six inches tall, and weighing two hundred pounds. Those pants are a size 18.

My life was crumbling, and sadness oozed from every pore. I hated my job but was too deep in debt to start over in another. My then-husband was having an affair with a much younger and more fun woman. I was grieving for the children and family I would never have. In short, my life was a big mess! I cried every single day... sometimes all day long. 

When I hit rock bottom, I decided to change everything that I had the power to change. I started to eat more vegetables and fewer heavy late-in-the-day meals. I started walking. At first, I had difficulty walking to the end of the block. Soon, I was walking for a couple of miles every day. The weight started to come off, and I began formulating a plan to survive this difficult time. 

After the marriage ended, I moved to the New Orleans area. Of course, that was not the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, but it was an immensely better life than the one I left behind in Virginia. I made new friends and joined two gyms. My walks turned into five-mile runs, and my time in the gym filled the massive void in my life. 

This photo was taken at the peak of my bodybuilding obsession. I'm forty-five in this photo, weighing one hundred and thirty-five pounds. I'm still an empty shell of a human, but at least I look better!

In 2003, I left New Orleans and returned to my hometown in the mountains of east Tennessee. Some bumpy roads were still ahead, but I was home with my family and owned a successful business.

I'm telling you my life story for a reason. I hope you will read this and say if she can do it, I can! 

Change it if you are unhappy with some part of your life or body. Take little steps every day. Soon, you will be running (if not literally, then figuratively). Think of food as the fuel it is. Don't let it be your comfort and your entertainment. If you want to be healthy and thinner, you must make wiser choices about the foods and quantities you eat daily. The other twenty-two hours a day are worth making a few changes in your food choices.

The photo above is a more recent photo taken just before my fifty-sixth birthday at one hundred and

forty-two pounds. Those pants are a size 4!

My life truly began at fifty. I've never been happier or more healthy than I am right now. Not that being thin is the answer to all life's problems, but when you can sleep well at night without being in pain or struggling to breathe, you can make better choices during your waking hours. Sometimes, things are better than they seem after a good night's sleep.

I hope my story touches the lives of people going through something similar. I share fashion tips and my personal tragedies and triumphs, hoping to inspire you to improve your life. 

Alone Part II

In June, I published a post about enjoying life and going out there and doing whatever you wish, even if you are alone. 

I joined friends for a drink after work yesterday wearing white jeans from Chico's with a navy Portofino shirt from Express.

The Cole Haan bag is from T.J.Maxx. The fringe sandals are by Steve Madden, and they are from Macy's.

This week I received a wonderful email from a reader named Karen. It is full of more great tips I wanted to share with those who are often alone. 

Karen writes, I never married, by choice, so I've spent my entire adult life largely alone, mostly without any regrets. (I will confess to becoming weary, over the last several years, of attending some events and making long drives solo. But if I were newly alone, I'd probably find these refreshing.) I do many of the things you suggested in your post -- the breakfast out is a good one, although I actually prefer an old-fashioned diner if I can find one -- but here are a few more ideas for your readers:

It has to be the right kind of place, but I prefer to eat lunch or dinner at the bar vs. a table when I dine alone. A practiced/friendly bartender will chat with you if not too busy, other people at the bar will often chat with you as well, and you don't have that "everyone is looking at me" feeling that a big, open room creates.

While traveling, if you would like to go out for a drink but don't want to feel like a middle-aged barfly, seek out small "back bars" in upscale or small, out-of-the-way restaurants. When the bar isn't the main attraction, the vibe is low-key and relaxed. The other patrons are likely just waiting for a table, so you don't feel like you're waiting for a pickup.

Attend outdoor festivals and talk to the vendors. My favorites are arts festivals, where the artisans are often making their creations right there and are happy to talk about their work. (You can learn amazing things!) I also like antique fairs and flea markets. Farmers' markets, too, are great places to find wonderful food and talk to the fascinating people who grow and produce it.

Do dress the part -- a stylish hat, dark sunglasses, artisan jewelry are all good -- so you feel less like a "woman alone" and more like a "woman of mystery." 

Find a group working for a cause or interest you care about and volunteer. I've made new friends, gained free admission by volunteering for film and music festivals, and found great reward for working in soup kitchens and with animals in need.

Speaking of animals, if you don't already have one, adopt a loving animal companion. Dogs, of course, allow you to get out and even mix with others at the dog park, but cats can be devoted companions who make your at-home hours a genuine, tactile pleasure. (I'm a cat person myself.) If you adopt vs. buy from a breeder, you also do a very kind thing on behalf of animals who will otherwise be euthanized.

Consider activities that really might better alone. For instance, I walk along a scenic trail by a river almost daily, and I relish the sounds of the water lapping, birds singing, cicadas humming, and farm roosters crowing. 

If you don't already, learn to love to read. Not only is reading an immersion in other worlds and lives (and necessarily solitary), but libraries are also lovely places where a companion is only a hindrance.

Take a class to learn about something that intrigues you. Learn to make jewelry or soap, speak Italian or French, take amazing photographs, or start a new business. You can attend a class through local community centers or college adult learning programs or enroll in an online course.

One of the things I always refused to do alone until recently went to the movies because I just HAD to discuss the film at length afterward. Now I go alone, and when I come home, I go to online review sites where plenty of folks are commenting and discussing, and I can join in.

If you try something alone and have a bad experience -- you just don't feel comfortable at all -- try again at another time. Sometimes it's not that you were alone, but other factors were in play (timing, other people's moods) that detracted from your adventure. I try to give a place 3 strikes unless I'm overwhelmingly repelled.

Thank you so much for offering your experiences to help others get over the hesitation to go out and do things alone, Karen. I appreciate all of you who have offered to help out with future blog posts. More to follow! I love it when we join together to help and inspire each other. I believe we have one of the best communities on the net!

Another reader made this great suggestion as an option for single folks to join in activities and meet other people. Meet-up groups are in every city in the world. It started in NYC right after 911, with all the people who lived there alone were frightened to get out and be around others. They have every interest group from A-Z. Dining groups, wine groups, adventure groups, sports groups, book club groups, movie groups, political groups, hobby groups, spiritual groups, knitting groups, music groups, exercise groups, and singles groups. You name it, you'll find it. Just go to www.meetup.com and pick your city to find the offerings. You can even attend a group event in a different city or country you're planning on visiting.

Cocktails in the Courtyard

What do you wear while visiting with friends over cocktails in a courtyard when ninety degrees at eight in the evening?

I chose a very lightweight knit tank dress and chiffon cascading vest from Covered Perfectly with minimal jewelry and sunglasses.

Metallic leather is considered neutral. I always enjoy wearing silver sandals since they bookend with my silver hair. (Bookending is repeating the same color at the top and the bottom to pull a look together.)

If I had worn black sandals, I would have looked even shorter. I attempt to make myself look taller and thinner by avoiding numerous horizontal color breaks.

This vest is one of the most versatile items I have ever owned. This evening it served as a light, elegant top layer. I would never feel comfortable wearing this tank dress on its own, but I do enjoy wearing it often as a first layer.

Filmy lightweight layers have been components of all my most comfortable looks this summer. They are soft, feminine, and elegant without making me feel even hotter.

The sunglasses are by Dolce and Gabbana. The silver and black earrings are several years old. The shoes are old by BCBGeneration.

A reader asked me this week why I don't show more new items on the blog. I rarely go shopping anymore, and I stopped accepting products to review because it became too overwhelming.

I hope that sharing how I put together my basics in different ways will help you build a wardrobe that serves you well no matter the price or number of pieces you own.

Compassion

Do you have a mission?

Beyond sharing style tips and encouragement for eating more plants, I want to make a difference in lives. I have experienced not knowing where I will be sleeping tonight or when my next meal might come. 

I was fortunate that when my time of need came, there was a wide circle of friends who offered shelter and helped me through the toughest time of my life. I know that the worst decisions ever made can be followed by the best ones.

It is now part of my mission to help women in need by being a part of several projects which offer a hand up through temporary shelter, training, and education.

J.Jill just launched its new "Compassion Connects Us All" social campaign where every time you use the hashtag #JJillCompassion, the brand will donate $1 to the Fund up to $350,000.

The lightweight J.Jill linen tote bag with an artisanal floral print at the front was designed to help women in need: 100% of the net proceeds from the sale of the exclusive Compassion Fund tote bag support to community-based organizations that help disadvantaged and homeless women become more self-sufficient.

J.Jill has donated more than six million dollars to over sixty organizations across the country.

All of the elements in this look were provided by J.Jill.

J.Jill's deep blue cardigan is lightweight, making it the perfect warm-weather topper to take with me everywhere. Air conditioning quickly becomes unpleasant for me, so I always take a cover-up of some sort with me, even in summer.

The perfect weight three-quarter sleeve tee is very nicely made. The design details make it more flattering and feminine than most tees.

The white comfortable cropped jeans are also from J.Jill.

Cognac has always been one of my favorite colors for neutral, go with everything leg-lengthening sandals. These Corso Como® for J.Jill stacked heel sandals are the perfect summer shoes.